What the World Needs Now

J. Geils had it right when he said that Love Stinks. It’s all too true, as we at Joko Records know. We’ve all had our share of heartache, even the band members of Daddy’s Gonna Kill Ralphie. But, as Levar Burton might say, Don’t take my word for it!

Daddy’s frontman Toby Fallsgraff once broke up with a girl at Cedar Point amusement park. He lost her somewhere between the Demon Drop and the Antique Cars ride. According to Fallsgraff, “I don’t know what happened. We were getting along so well, then she was just gone. Just like Chevy Chase's career.” We hired a team of private detectives to investigate what ever happened to the mystery girl. It seems that she stepped away from Toby to try her hand at the Knock-Over-The-Milk-Bottles game. After 17 consecutive losses, she ran out of money and was forced to get a job selling cotton candy to supplement her gambling addiction. She claims to love her new life as a carnie, and brags that she once met Arsenio Hall while on the job.

Everyone’s favorite drummer, Kyle, has a girlfriend. She’s a model. But she lives in Canada. You don’t know her. She was just visiting last week, but you must have missed her. You really don’t know her.

Bass-picker Rob recently ended a 4-year relationship with a girl who, according to Rob, has a bit of a mean streak and a heightened sense of arrogance. After dealing with her drama for so long, Rob had enough and broke off their relationship, even though they were engaged to be engaged. The girl then went on to record such hits as She Bop and Time After Time.

And that leaves the staff of Joko Records. We polled our employees and came up with inconclusive results. It seems that three people have all dated Teri Hatcher (possibly at the same time), and one employee was wife #4 to Larry King. While many of us disagree whether or not Love does in fact stink, we all agree that it most definitely does have an odor of some sort.

~Joko!