We Went Away For A While

Awake.

Wow, what a dream I had! I dreamt that Daddy's Gonna Kill Ralphie toured the nation, singing and playing for audiences in bars and coffeehouses and living rooms, selling CDs and t-shirts to anyone willing to donate to the cause*. Oh wait, it's wasn't a dream! It wasn't a dream!

We finished the first tour for the new Daddy's album, "Love Sincerely," Writes the Writer (which is still available at the Daddy's website, folks) and then we promptly fell asleep. Just knocked right out. Don't look at me like that, musicianing is hard work! Sometimes you just need a good 2-month nap to recharge your system. Or, in Kyle's case, a literal recharge, seeing as how he got involved in that Amish gunfight and had to be rebuilt ala Robocop. Although instead of fighting crime and breakdancing, Kyle is using his new robotic limbs to star in his own sitcom, "RoboKyle Loves Chachi," which is really just a rehashing of "Hogan's Heroes", but instead of Nazis, they're trying to escape from the Brady kids, some of whom have really not aged well.

The chillaxing period for the band continues until we can get enough steam for the second leg of the world tour (we still have a few African nations we haven't visited yet). So what is the rest of the gang up to during this unexpected hiatus?

According to Rob, he expected the tour to last several years, so he quit his job as an assistant barber and sold his apartment and all of his belongings. Now that he's got no place else to go, and the other band members have declined his pleas for a place to stay, Rob found work in Tulsa, working for the Staples corporation. Rob is in charge of assembling Easy Buttons. Unfortunately, there is no Easy Button that can be used in the creation of Easy Buttons. C'mon Rob, that's like wishing for more wishes!

And that leaves Mr. Toby. After several meetings with his team of highly-paid expert lawyers, they have discovered that Toby owns the rights to the name "Toby." A world-class lawsuit is being enacted against all other Tobys, whether they be men or women, puppies or bunnies, or even cast members of The West Wing. Says Toby Prime, "We expect [a settlement] of at least $10,000 per Toby. Then I'll be able to buy that Container Store franchise I've always wanted."

"Fuck charity," added Toby.

So that leaves us here at Joko Records. Half of our staff toured with the band and worked as roadies, merch sellers, masseurs, food tasters, and "miscellaneous." Please don't ask what the miscellaneous means, we have been advised by our lawyer, Matlock, to keep silent about what goes on behind the tour bus' door. So that left the other 1,500 staff members to continue with the promotions and recordings of our previously signed bands, "Hogwart's Hootenanny," "Chum," and "Waterlogged." Actually, that's a lie. We kinda forgot about the other bands. Sorry guys.

And now that our whole staff is back together, we're planning on signing a few more bands. Hey, why the heck not? It's not as if we're a fictional recording company or anything.




~Joko!

* the cause is the fund to buy friendship, health, and happiness.